The Art of Nature and the Nature of Art
  • Musings on Life and Work in Progress
  • Find my gallery
  • Contact Me Directly

I Married a Loser

15/3/2018

0 Comments

 
Full disclosure:  Jon is better than I at most things.  One area, however, needs serious work.

The Scene:  Bedtime.  I am already in bed, teeth brushed and all.  Jon, who can go for hours without eating, decides that he needs a snack.

Him: (from downstairs)  Where did you put the leftover rice pudding?

Her:  It’s in the fridge, on the second shelf, on the right, at the back.

(seconds pass)

Him:  No, it’s not.

Her:  Yes, it is, Darling.  On the second shelf, on the right, at the back.

Him:  No it’s not.

(I’ll spare you the repetitions, which alter only in volume)

Him:  Could you come down and find it for me?

Her:  Okay.  (discouraged tone)

Her:  See — on the second shelf on the right at the back?  (tone which mixes superiority and annoyance in equal measures.

Him:  Oh.  I didn’t recognize it.  (light tone)

We all know that such a scene takes place in thousands of homes throughout the country, regardless of timezones, family income, or gender preference.  One person in every pair-bond arbitrarily designates the other as the official Finder.  And that’s that.  It’s a permanent position, as far as I can tell.

Now, if you think it’s no big deal to find something you carefully put away yourself, even if that does entail climbing out of flannelette sheets, remind yourself that existence of every gruntled Finder presupposes a Loser in active practice.  At the moment we have every tool from our basement workshop distributed throughout the rest of the house, which rings with “Have you seen my__________?” 

My darling is a card-carrying Loser.

Let me be clear.  These searches for objects I have not actually stored carefully take a hell of a lot longer.  What’s worse, they are often time-sensitive or all progress grinds to a stop.   Sometimes I enlist a flashlight to catch a tell-tale metallic glint but nothing really works except picking up every single thing but the piano and checking under it.   I’m a hearty eater and I now wonder if the only thing which keeps my weight under control is the constancy of high-pressure search-and-rescue operations around here.  Theodore has shown no interest in being handed the baton so Finder I shall be until one of us dies.  On the plus side, I do find items I myself have misplaced.  Last week produced a vase I had been looking for, 6 unmatched socks to add to my collection, 3 gloves of different colours and four dark chocolate bars.  Chocolate is a great consolation when seeking does not lead to finding.  

But take heart, fellow Finders.  As long as we have this job for life, let us choose to train our veteran Finder Brains on searching for things that spark joy  -- the gorgeous signed Inuit carving that winked at me in Value Village or the Haida copper and suede-lined humidor that showed up in a neighbourhood garage sale.  (Painters, take particular note:  it takes a veteran  Finder to come up with the odds and sods which populate a still life.  I am particularly fond of Rusty, my tin frog in the bottom right corner.  [I  Oh, gotta go.  It's okay, Dear -- let me help you find the....]).


Picture
0 Comments

Pearing Up

24/12/2014

0 Comments

 
Picture"Mlle. Poire 2013" Oil on canvas 8 x 10
Every Christmas I feel the urge to paint a pear or two. While all pears share their elegant shape, at solstice I become compelled to locate and immortalize the perfect pear--  that is, that rare store-bought edible with a glowing  blush, a striking assymmetrical stem with a leaf or two, and no bruises. And yes, I do know that most painters would simply imagine this pear but I am a realist painter (go ahead, say it:  I lack imagination), so off I must go to the fruit counter in search of The One. 

Now choosing the best pear at Loblaws is no job for an amateur: one has to select the finalists and then eliminate the runners-up one by one.   Last year after I had painstakingly chosen Mlle Poire 2013 (an absolutely gorgeous gal if I do say so myself), a man who must have been watching asked if I would let him have the second best.   I had to explain that Pear #1 needed an understudy (see "The Elusive Dollarama Blue"  7/7/14) and that I would probably end up by painting them both. He said he thought they already had nice colours. It went downhill from there. 

Being a painter isn't for sissies, although still life does allow you eventually to consume the sitter .

We're off now, Jon to the river for a few hours of teasing salmon and I for a walk with my camera in this gorgeous Scottish mist.  May you have a Christmas that warms your heart.










0 Comments
    Picture

    Archive

    July 2023
    April 2023
    March 2023
    February 2023
    January 2023
    December 2022
    November 2022
    October 2022
    September 2022
    August 2022
    July 2022
    June 2022
    May 2022
    March 2022
    February 2022
    January 2022
    October 2021
    July 2021
    March 2021
    January 2021
    December 2020
    November 2020
    October 2020
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014

    Categories

    All
    ALLA PRIMA PAINTING
    ANIMALS
    ART SHOWS
    BOOK RECOMMENDATIONS
    CHRISTMAS
    COLOUR THEORY
    COMPOSITION
    GARDENING
    GLAZE OIL PAINTING
    HOW SHAPE MATTERS
    INSPIRATION
    OUTDOOR LIFE
    PALETTE
    PHOTOGRAPIC REFS
    PORTRAITS OF CHILDREN
    PORTRAITURE
    SEASONS
    STILL LIFE
    SUBJECT MATTER
    THE FUNCTION OF TITLES
    THE HUMAN COMEDY
    THE ISSUE OF SIZE
    THIS OLD HOUSE
    TREES
    UNDERPAINTING
    YouTubes

    RSS Feed

Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.